You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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