I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
