Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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