I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
