Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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