I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
