Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
