So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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