yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
