I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
