she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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