Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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