u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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