I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
