Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
