girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
