Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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