I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
