drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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