Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
