did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
