Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
