He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
