You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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