They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
