before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
