Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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