What a fucking waste of an outfit
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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