she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
