Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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