broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bring money and cleavage
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
