So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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