he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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