You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
