We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
