we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
