Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
