Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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