I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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