She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
