I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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