do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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