no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
