you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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