I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
