FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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