i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
