There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
