and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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