My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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