If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
