is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
