You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This baby is an asshole
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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