Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
